The Night of the Arachanid Terror
by Martina Ross
Summary: Jim, Artie, and Sandy Gordon ride into a town being terrorized by a giant spider. They discover that the spider is driving people out of all the small towns. It's up to them to find out who's behind all this!


The Night of the Arachnid Terror

My cousin James West, my husband Artemus Gordon, and I, Alexandrine Gordon, were riding into Abilene during a dust storm. "Pretty dry weather for May, ain't it?" said Artie.

"Yeah, dry _and _hot," said Jim. He patted his black stallion's sweaty neck.

"Hot like someone I know" said Artie with a mischievous grin.

"Stop it!" I scolded, playfully thumping his shoulder. He just laughed, his dark brown eyes sparkling. When the sun hit them, I could see flecks of hazel green. He then muttered something in Polish. Artie was born in Poland,(but you would never have guessed it since he didn't sound or look much like one),and his family came to America when he was a boy. Although excellent at English and spoke it fluently, he often spoke Polish to himself 'cause it was more comfortable for him,with English only being his fourth language.

Jim just smiled at me. His light blue-greenish gray eyes glimmered against his sun tanned face, a feature we had in common, even though we actually weren't blood relatives. His father, Johnathan Leonard, had fallen in love with a girl named Alice Jacqueline, and she gave birth to Jim at fifteen. But the loving relationship ended, and then he married my Aunt Angela, on my mother's side. They were a happy family until the accident a few years later, when a stagecoach that Alice and one other man were riding in came too close to the one Jim was driving, that carried his father and my aunt inside. He had tried to avoid it, but the driver of the other one, who had been drinking, smashed into the one Jim was on,claiming the lives of both women and the man, leaving Leonard an angry deaf-mute due to a serious injury, and Jim in the hospital for several weeks. He even told me that his father blamed him for the crash, and wouldn't even visit him during those long, miserable days he spent there, lying in a wheeled hospital bed, suffering from physical pain due to severe head and nerve injuries leaving his right side partially paralyzed, mourning for his mother and stepmother, missing his father, guiltily grieving for the other man, sleeping whenever he could, and going through various tests and exams. But that wasn't even the worst of it. He got tried on felony charges, but pleaded no interest. Still, he got convicted of drunk driving just because he had been drinking heavily before going out. He had to spend six months of house confinement, alcohol counseling, and five years prohibition to driving wagons or stagecoaches or taking anything alcoholic. When he was finally released from the hospital a few weeks later, he moved elsewhere, looking for a job.

Returning to the present, I patted his back. "It's true, I'm naturally very alluring. I expose more than a lady should. " I sighed, gazing deeply into those heavenly eyes. Then the ground began shaking. " Is it an earthquake?" asked Artie.

Before Jim could reply, a giant, eight legged hairy creature stomped into the empty town. The three of us pulled out our guns, but before we could shoot, a cold, blasting blizzard hit us, knocking us off our horses. A very familiar laugh sounded. I could not see anything, but a hairy antenna brushed me and I screamed "Jim! Artie!" as the brown blur loomed over me. Foamy drool barely missed my waist length hair, covered by a golden blonde wig. It's horrible eyes glared at me, and there was no mistaking it.

It was a giant spider.

Quickly thinking, I started shooting, as the enormous beast stomped away. Then the blizzard suddenly stopped. Jim rose, brushing dirt off the sleeve of his royal blue jacket sleeve. "That was odd." said he.

"Yeah, I didn't think bugs were that big." said Artie, swatting his white hat against his tan riding pants.

"Whoever did this has some explaining to do," said Jim. " One day somebody's gonna get hurt."

Artie leaned his six foot frame against the post. " If this keeps terrorizing the town, and enough people either get killed or leave, next thing we know, we'll have yet another ghost town in Texas."

Jim nodded,"Let's find out what's goin' on, shall we?"

"Indeed," I replied as I mounted my fourteen hand dark bay Hackney stallion, Minerva's Charcoal. "I say go investigate San Dora."

"Why?" asked Artie, now sitting on his chestnut and white horse.

" 'Cause it's not too heavily populated, whoever is doing this is trying to win the small towns for his or herself," I replied.

" Hello, San Dora," said Jim dryly.

We rode into San Dora, only to find it as empty as Abilene had been. A few people were leaving. We walked into the Saloon. Jim ordered a sherry, Artie a brandy, and for myself a champagne. Jim then asked the bartender what was happening. "Oh, yeah," he remarked, "It's very odd. A giant spider walks into town, the weather changes drastically, and a few people disappear when it clears."

"Where has it occurred?" asked Jim as he sipped his drink.

"There was one in Bresada, in Abilene, and even in Austin. Same story. Heard Wyoming got a pretty good lick of it, too. Most of the West, a few in the East. There is concern that Washington is the next target. Grant's been a frettin' so."

Artie tugged his tan buckskin coat tightly over his yellow button up shirt. "Has anyone actually been killed?"

"A few men who went after it were found dead, but it could be something else." replied the man, "no one actually saw it, it's just an assumption."

Artie ran a hand through his thick black hair and whistled. "Oh, boy, what a tangled web they weave when they first practice to deceive. Anyway here's the rachunek."

The bartender stared at him in confusion. "What in the Sam Hills is _that?_" he asked.

"I meant the bill," Artie corrected, blushing slightly, realizing he used the Polish word.

As soon as we paid, we headed outside, and this time a rainstorm came in. Jim pushed his black wide brimmed hat over his eyes, squinting against the falling water. Sure enough, the outline of a spider was visible. It marched over to us and halted, A muffled voice said, "It looks as though you've stumbled into the wrong town, Mr. West, Mr. Gordon, Mrs. Gordon. Ah, well, I guess I can take of you quickly."

"Run!" barked out Jim as he made a beeline to his horse. We mounted and galloped off to Oklahoma.

Nearly a day and a half later, we reached Elk city. "We'll have to bed down in a hotel tonight, I heard _the_ _wanderer _is still in North Carolina on its way," said Jim. He lead us inside a nearby inn. "Afternoon, sir," said the clerk, "want me to put a room down for you?"

"Could use a triple if you got one," said Jim.

"Sorry, you'll have to stick with a double." replied the clerk.

"Fair enough," said Jim.

As he signed in, Artie groaned, rubbing his behind.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Saddle sore," he replied, "I'm gonna soak in the tub as soon as we're in."

I sighed loudly. "I could ride all day without it. Man up a little."

Artie grimaced.

"Alright, let's go!" said Jim as he hauled his luggage up the stairs.

A few hours later, we were settled into our rooms. Jim was showering, Artie napped on his bed, and I had changed into a long, white, deep V neck nightgown and was brushing my hair. I had just finished when Jim emerged, all ready for bed. "Hey, what's up?" he asked. "You look dreamy."

"Oh, I am." I said. "I just... well... nothing. I'm just glad I have you as my cousin."

He gave me a warm smile. "Me, too." He gathered me into his arms as he spoke. I loved the sound of his low, cigarette induced gravelly voice that filled up inside you. I loved how his breath had the scent of vanilla, cinnamon, and mint leaves, how his chestnut brown sun bleached hair, once black, flopped into his face sometimes. And how gentle he was when he wasn't fighting. He then kissed my cheek. "Good night. Sweet dreams." I then popped in bed next to Artie, who was now awake, staring out the window at the black, starry sky. "What is it?" I asked.

"Just missing my family," said Artie. I saw a tear run down his peach colored cheek. I felt bad for him. He'd dealt with a lot of loss. His parents both died as a result of heart conditions. He had also lost two wives, Caroline to a deadly illness, and Muriel to cancer just a few years before he met me. He had one daughter, Phyllis, an artist, and two adopted children, Rebecca and George, but hardly ever saw them since they were in New York. I hugged him and said the unbroken words, "I love you."

He gave my loose hair a tug. "You too. Sleep well." I snuggled next to him. Unlike Jim, who was all muscle, Artie was fleshy, warm, and soft, and I fell asleep within seconds.

I woke to the smell of waffles, coffee, and sausage. I removed my lavender sleep mask and saw Jim with three trays. "Oh, hey!" he smiled. "Breakfast is ready."

Artie then woke up and rubbed his eyes. "I'll be up in a minute." he said. Unlike the rest of us, Jim was ready for anything, in a white button up shirt, short black chunky two and a half inch heeled boots and forestry green pants paired with a gold corduroy vest and tie, jacket and hat on his chair. His hair was neatly groomed and shiny. Artie and I, on the other hand, were still in nightgowns our hair was frizzy and all over the place. Artie's hair was thick, making him look like a frightened, electrocuted poodle.

So we got up and Artie started towards the bathroom carrying his white button up shirt, tan pants,tall black boots, and a corduroy jacket and white hat while I went to the closet. I had just picked out a fleecy hunter green and crimson plaid button up shirt, black breeches with suede red knees and black leather flats when I heard a masculine voice shout, "Great jumping balls of St. Elmo's fire! Good Shabbos! What on earth happened?" followed by a loud KERSPLASH!

Jim and I raced to the bathroom. "Artie, what happened?"

"I saw it- the spider! Someone was on its back- I couldn't tell who. It scared me so bad I fell into the bathtub." said a soaked, scared looking Artie.

I was surprised it scared him. At five foot eleven, built like a tank, and overall bombproof, Artie was a brave guy, sometimes got a little scared, but never got terrified.

"That's it!" snapped Jim. "Now I'm gonna have to track it down!"

"Uh, Artie, what do you mean Shabbos? It's Thursday."

"Oh, well, I got scared so bad I forgot." he grinned. Having grown up in a Jewish family, Artie could also speak Yiddish. I was a firm Christian believer, but we loved each other just the same, as did my Catholic grandmother and her Jewish husband.

"OK." said Jim, "Let's eat breakfast and go after that thing. We'll hop over to the saloon for lunch later and get a clue."

So we did. We followed some marks that looked like leg prints for the afternoon and then at lunch we went to the saloon.

"Now," said Jim, "why do I have a feeling that someone here must know about that spider?"

"I know!" I said, "we'll dress as dance-hall girls and get information."

"Dress up as WHAT!?" sputtered Jim. "I know I'm wrong. It's just a hunch. Besides, what good would that do?"

"Well, men tell women anything. We could just sneak up and eavesdrop, get anything."

Jim rolled his eyes. I knew he _hated _this. "Oh, no! I will not make a monkey out of myself for looking like a prostitute!"

"Look, I don't see any other alternative. Just this once? Please?"

"No."

I looked at Artie, who hadn't said anything. "Well, Mr. Gordon?"

"Uh, well, Jim, I don't like the idea, but I think we should. It may not work that well, but we should try."

"And if you do," I said, "I'll make my very best supper with an excellent wine. If not," a wicked smile was on my face, "You will wash your own clothes for a month."

Jim had a dirty glare, but I knew he would not do "woman's work" at all cost, unless it's a serious issue.

"Very well."

So we changed into dance hall dresses. Mine was mushroom brown and my hair remained my real hair color- dark brown- and was tied up except for a curl. I applied plum eyeshadow, midnight blue on the lids and matching eyeliner,chocolate brown mascara, painted a mole on my cheek, chin, and lip, and applied navy blush. I then shaped my nails into a square shape, painted the nail bed fungi brown and the nail part a dark espresso. I then stepped out and saw Jim come out in his girl disguise. The granite colored dress was way to small, showing his manly legs and the russet ringlets from his wig bounced. I applied my silvery midnight lip liner, trying not to laugh at how funny it looked. But Jim was a hard one to fool, and said, "You think this is funny, don't you?" he took a whiff of my pure grace perfume and said, "Well, I used cologne. That's as far as I'm willing to go." He used red lipstick and tan eyeshadow with black mascara coated fake eyelashes and matching eyeliner and had long gloves on, so hopefully, drunk people wouldn't notice the male resemblance. Just then, Arte came out, with the same makeup and fragrance. Like Jim, the khaki colored dress was to small and his straight light brown wig looked ridiculous. "All right," I said in between coats of charcoal black lipstick. "Let's fool some people."

So we split up, and I flirted with the bartender, about spiders. "You look so big, strong, and fearless." I said. "I bet you could crush a man with your bare hands."

"Ah, indeed." he said.

"Oh, tell me, are you afraid of little things? Like, spiders? I know I am."

"Whatcha mean? I'm not afraid of any little crittur."

"If so, please prove it to me. I can even bring you a large one, just so I can see if those big, manly, dreamy hands can squish him into nothing but juice."

"I know about a huge one." he said finally.

"Where?" I asked slyly.

"In the cave near the end of Elk City." he said. "Why?"

"No reason." I replied.

He then turned over his shoulder and laughed. "Look at those two hippie male dancers who look like women!" he hooted.

Artie noticeably frowned, but Jim was furious. Out of force of habit, Jim leaped over the bar and punched the guy. Everyone gasped. Jim's silly wig came off, and the people pointed and said, "Look at that guy!" and laughed.

Well, Jim was mad now. He stormed out of the saloon, red faced, and ran right smack into a big, muscular, black bouncer. "What you want?" he asked in his deep, bass voice. "This?"

He threw Jim out the window, and the crowd, catching a glimpse of lacy girly panties burst out laughing, but he came back in and got into a fight, finally pushing him out the door.

Meanwhile, Artie came upon a large, hungry fat, lovestruck aunt. "What did you ask me?" she demanded in a shrill voice.

"Who has the spider?" asked Artie.

"I don't know; all I know is it's a doctor with a funny name. Now go, you're wasting my time with Henry!"

"Thanks, miss." he said as he hurried off.

That night back at the hotel,after showering, Jim hopped face froward onto his bed. "I am _NOT _doing that again! It was humiliating. Did you see them laughing at those ridiculous panties _**girls**_ wear? Yes, including you!"

"Thanks a lot, James. But I found out where the bug is, maybe who has it." I said.

But Jim was still complaining about how unfeminine he was till Artie came out, having finished his shower and was rubbing his face with a soft towel. "I didn't like it either. All I got was ol' Fat Aunt. Oh, well, we'll try again in the morning. Ain't doin' it again, moja droga.-er, my dear."

"Goodnight." I said. The men grunted a non-response.

At about two in the morning, I felt a pistol near me. "Listen, Mrs. Gordon, if you want to find the spider, you may look. Bring West and Gordon. But do not follow me. Or your beloved men will die." Then, he slipped away.

The next morning I woke to start breakfast. I had to tiptoe past the men, who were snoring louder than passing freight trains, closer to grizzly bears. So I made breakfast burritos, the scent drifting along the air towards the beds, but it wasn't until I banged on the pot they snorted and woke up. They put on robes and stumbled over to the table and tore into the mouth-watering dish. As they ate with relish, I then said, "Gentlemen, I must tell you something. At about two in the morning, a voice said we could look for the spider, but only if I bring you two...or you'll die."

Jim stopped eating to look at me. "Oh, honey, I'll come. You shouldn't handle such things by yourself. You could have waked me. But why would anyone do it to you?"

"Yeah," said Artie, before I could reply, "Well, we'll go and track it down to the cave at Elk City."

Jim stood up, having finished, dabbed at his mouth with a napkin and said, "Let's go look for it before we have another massacre. But, remember, _no girly disguises_." He emphasized the last three words.

Artie just nodded, his mouth full and eyes wide.

"Alright," I said, "no girly disguises. Boy, nothing gets past you two."

Jim snickered and trotted off to the bathroom. "Just gimme a holler if you see any big bugs." said Artie.

While Jim got dressed, I started on the kitchen. Later, he emerged, clad in his royal blue suit. "Hey, would ya help me in the kitchen while Artie gets dressed? You boys leave such a mess." I asked.

A wicked smile was on his face—he always did that when I asked him to help with "woman's work"-that is, when he's willing. "Anything for my dear, darling baby cousin, especially if she'll wash my suit after our trek." He tossed me a dirty napkin.

"Ack! James!" I threw a soapy dish towel at him.

"Kitchen fight?" he grinned.

I held up the frying pan. "Give up, James Thaddeus?"

"Okay truce!" he sighed, holding up his hands. It was just then Artemus entered in his brown/tan corduroy jacket, white shirt and tan breeches. "Hey, I heard the commotion through the door." he said as he took of his white hat, rolled up his sleeves and began to wash the dishes. "Don't worry. Tonight I'll get Jimmy-boy to wash his own stuff."

I laughed and helped finish the kitchen.

An hour later we were riding through the desert till we reached the cave. We dismounted and started to walk in the dark mouth. Suddenly, Jim clutched his chest and gagged.

"Jim, are you alright?" I asked, alarmed.

"I don't know. I suddenly became nauseated. I didn't eat that much at breakfast, so I'm not sure." he said.

"Guess what," said Artie. "My head and side ache. I don't know why."

"My feet are sore and yet I haven't even been walking." I admitted.

Just then, a voice said, "Ah, Mr. West, Mr. Gordon, Mrs. Gordon, do come in."

The three of us walked in. The cave was actually a laboratory, with cages housing several animals. A little man sat behind a desk. Beside him was a young olive skinned girl with neck length coffee brown hair that tumbled behind her in rough waves. Her hazel eyes were fixed upon the man. She wore a long, three quarter sleeved v neck breeze blue dress that fitted her 5'9'' frame perfectly.  
"Ah, come in, gentleman, ma'am, you're just in time. Keisha," he said, "do prepare our guests some of your fine cuisine with an excellent red wine."

Keisha flashed him a pretty smile. "Yes, Miguelito." she said.

"Ah," said Artie, "_THE _Miguelito Loveless."

Loveless laughed. "Yes, Mr. Gordon. I've been waiting for you three. I was thinking after we had supper, I'd introduce you to our pets. I think you'd be pleased at what they are capable of. You will stay, won't you?"

"How could I resist?" said Jim.

I was about to ask about Loveless' "pets" when Keisha came with the wine and a rosemary hazelnut encrusted chicken. The five of us sat down to eat. "oh, Miss Keisha Armida Bently, this is very fine! Now," said Loveless between bites, "Do you recognize that creature?"

He pointed to a cage where a giant spider was prancing. It's ugly, hairy legs never stopped moving.

Both men had their mouths wide open. Jim nearly dropped his fork. Artie looked like someone had punched him. "That's the one!" we all exclaimed.

"How did you do it?" Artie asked.

"Quite simple, actually." said Loveless. "I bred two relatively large spiders and fed the babies a very careful diet of foods with my secret growth formula. That spider grew the size of a frog. I fed its babies twice as much. They were the size of a puppy. I fed ten times as much to the offspring. They were as large as small goats. I kept going, each time increasing how much formula I fed them and wallah! A spider the size of a house! It'll wipe out America! Tomorrow you three, the day after that the small towns, and finally the world! Keisha, take them to their rooms."

Just then, Jim flopped onto the floor and didn't move. Artie sank back into his chair and closed his eyes. "What happened?" I asked, scared.

"Oh, don't worry, I just drugged their wine, that's all They're just sleeping. Keisha will care for them while you're in your room."

I started to protest when Keisha took me to an old cell. As she locked me in, she said, "That Miguelito is a wonderful man. He will save our country. So do stop tracking him down." With that, she turned and went.

A few hours later I heard the cell door creak. I spun around. "Ah! Loveless! How dare you sneak up on me!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Gordon," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you'd like to know about West and Gordon."

"What have you done to them! You harm one hair on their heads and I'll..."

"Oh, they're fine. See, there's a show tomorrow." said Loveless excitedly. "West and Gordon will go up against the spider. And die."

With his laugh, he turned and went,locking the door behind him. I gasped in horror at the thought of tomorrow. He was going to put those two agents into an arena and let the spider kill them. I shuddered. What was I going to do? All I could do was wait for the next day to come as I tried to plan something.

The next morning Keisha came and unlocked me, her wispy bangs falling in front of her eyes.

"Miguelito is expecting you for breakfast. Do come."

I followed cautiously. She led me to where Loveless sat. A fancy breakfast food was on the table.

"Ah, good morning Mrs. Gordon. I've been waiting for you." welcomed Loveless.

"Yes, I'm sure you have. Mind telling me about West and Gordon?" I snapped.

Impertinence didn't ever discourage Loveless. All he said was "You'll find out in just a while. Now eat."

I wasn't that hungry, but I knew I needed nourishment. I just ate a piece of toast and drank my coffee to spite him. An hour later, Loveless said, "It's time for the main event." and burst into laughter.

_Somehow it just don't seem all that funny._

The lights in the lab went on, revealing a large pen and a caged spider that pranced about. In a smaller cage, Jim and Artie were standing, clearly terrified. The spider's cage opened and it raced out- amazingly quick for its size.

Suddenly, Artie was shoved out into the center by a large fan placed near his cage, and the spider lunged towards him. Jim jumped in front of him and waved his hands wildly, but the spider kept on moving. With his huge hairy leg, he pushed Jim away. Artie lay stunned and unmoving. I wanted to jump in but Keisha kept me at gunpoint.

Jim didn't give up. He ran as fast as he could and I saw the derringer appear from his sleeve and he shot at the spider, but the bullets bounced off. He took a ball from the heel of his boot and threw it at the spider. The mini-explosion distracted the spider for a second. This gave Jim enough time to pull Artie out of the danger zone. But the spider saw him and charged.

I couldn't just stand there. I began to move but a sharp pain in my thigh stopped me. Jim suddenly dropped Artie and clutched his chest.

"What was that?" I demanded.

"The spider releases a gas that causes pain. Part of my formula. Ingenious, isn't it?" asked Loveless.

Loveless had a fatal weakness of telling his captives, certain that they wouldn't get away, about his experiments. Jim heard him and put a cloth over his face to stop inhaling the substance. The spider was coming closer to the unconscious Artie and ever-vigilant Jim.

Just then, the spider jumped and Jim leaped out of the way. The spider drooled and raised its legs above Artie, waiting to snatch him.

I reacted by, with the cloth over my face, lunging forward, knocking the gun out of Keisha's hand and jumping into the pen, shooting at the spider, despite my deathly fear of them. I looked back and saw Artie's eyes flutter and open. He started to get up but failed. Jim pulled him out of the way.

It was then I saw a bucket of bubbling hot water on the mini-stove. I raced over and grabbed it and ran back to the beast.

"No! No! NO!" shouted Loveless, "You're not playing fair, Mrs. Gordon, you're cheating!"

I ignored him and dumped the heavy bucket onto the spider. It let out a loud cry and began to shrink until it was of normal size. I stomped on it with my black leather flats.

"You cheated!" screamed Loveless, jumping up and down. "No, no, no, NO!"

"Sorry, I'm afraid it's a very bad habit of mine." I replied.

"OOOOOHHHH!" hissed Loveless, "Don't you see what you've done?"

"No," I said curtly.

"That gas is what supports the chemicals. Now the whole place will explode. _KIESHA!_"

"Coming, Miguelito!"

Artie woke up."Say, what-" he began.

"Not now!" said Jim as he pushed us out of the cave as it began to explode.

When we reached the outside, a sobbing Keisha was there.

"What's wrong?" asked Artie above the explosion.

"Miguelito got trapped in there and he sent me out." she cried.

Jim stood there thoughtfully. "Really?"

"I really don't think he's dead." I said, "I really don't."

We got on our horses and went back to town,with a tied up Keisha, then traveled pleasantly rewarding but uneventful. We turned in Keisha. As we walked out, Jim said, "Well, the Wanderer should be coming back tomorrow, so let's go back to the hotel, shall we?"

Artemus grinned. "I like the way you think!" he said.

So the three of us linked arms and headed back, laughing. Out if the corner of my eye, I saw a small shadow.

_Goodness! _I thought. _Some classics _really _never die, do they?_

THE END


End file.
